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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28353888">before the world was big</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallingVersatile/pseuds/tiredandjaded'>tiredandjaded (CallingVersatile)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>source decay [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Owl House (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Gen, Good Sister Lilith Clawthorne, Slice of Life, Trans Eda Clawthorne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:47:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,793</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28353888</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallingVersatile/pseuds/tiredandjaded</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Edalyn Clawthorne is 12, and today is the first day of seventh grade at Hexside—but far more importantly, it's going to be her first day out in public as a girl. She's <em>not</em> scared, of course... but even so, knowing that her sister Lilith will have her back doesn't hurt.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eda Clawthorne &amp; Lilith Clawthorne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>source decay [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160120</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>147</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>before the world was big</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVZcc_iy4DA">
<i>i just miss how it felt standing next to you</i></a>
  <br/>
  <i>wearing matching dresses before the world was big</i>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Edalyn, stop fidgeting, you look fine.” </p>
<p>Eda’s fingers stilled momentarily, her foot ceasing its restless tapping. She lasted all of three seconds before she started tapping again, her fingers worrying the fabric of her skirt between them. </p>
<p>“<em>Edalyn.” </em> </p>
<p>Eda loved the way her name flowed off her sister’s tongue. <em> Edalyn. </em> It was elegant, feminine without being dainty, and undeniably <em> her. </em> It was everything Eda had thought she could never be, and had confided as much to Lilith through blurred vision and gut-wrenching sobs, curled up in her sister’s bed with her head on her lap. </p>
<p>Lilith had stroked her hair, then spiky and short, and told her, in a voice more fierce than Eda had ever heard from her, that <em> yes, </em> she <em> could. </em> </p>
<p>And she had. That summer, Edalyn Clawthorne had invented herself, with her older sister behind her every step of the way. The name Edalyn had been Lilith's suggestion, one night spent poring over a book of witchlings' names. Eda had been about to call it a night—none of the names felt right to her, she couldn't imagine herself as a Rowen or an Illuna.</p>
<p>"Wait, sis, what about this one?" That had been Lilith's compromise, when Eda still hadn't figured out her name—whenever they were alone, that was the only thing Lilith would call her. </p>
<p>Eda absolutely adored her for it.</p>
<p>Blinking the sleep from her eyes, Eda drew her head in close to Lilith's, squinting in the dim light at the name underlined by her sister's carefully manicured claw.</p>
<p>"Edalyn," Lilith read aloud. "It's just an idea, of course, I just—I think it suits you. It's an elegant name, isn't it? Yet still feels powerful, I know how you feel about having a "weak" name.”</p>
<p>Eda said nothing, eyes transfixed on that one tiny line of text in a dusty old time that suddenly felt more important than all the off-limits spellbooks in the library combined. </p>
<p>"Sister? There's other names out there, I wasn't trying to-"</p>
<p>"Shut up, Lily," Eda said, uncaring of the shakiness of her voice or the choked up feeling in her throat. Any other time, she would have been mortified to have anyone catch her like this, but this was important. "It's perfect. Edalyn." </p>
<p>She tested the name out on her tongue once more.</p>
<p>It was elegant, and powerful, and maybe even a bit mysterious. But most of all, it was completely and irrefutably feminine. That could be <em> her. </em> "Edalyn. That's—that's me, Lils." The tears were spilling down her cheeks now, but Eda was smiling so hard her face hurt, and she had never felt so <em> right, </em>like something she’d been missing her whole life had just slotted into place.  </p>
<p>After that, Eda couldn’t bear to keep it a secret for much longer. Only a few days later, she had marched up to their parents, Lilith’s hand in her own, and declared, with the unshakeable certainty only an 11-year old could muster, “I’m a girl now and my name is Edalyn.” </p>
<p>Her parents, for all their faults, had taken it in stride. Her mom even said she thought it was a lovely name, which had put Eda on cloud nine for hours afterward. Lilith, though, had been Eda’s real champion. In a reversal of fortune—even as kids, Eda had been the more brash one, often standing up for her older sister when the other girl shied away from confrontation—Lilith had gone above and beyond. She offered to let Eda wear her clothes while Eda was still figuring out her own style, corrected their parents when they slipped up, even gone so far as to learn a hair growth acceleration spell when Eda had complained about wanting hair like Lilith’s. </p>
<p>When the carrier bats had unceremoniously dropped the package containing that year’s uniforms on the doorstep of the Clawthorne home a week before the fall semester began, there had been two girl’s’ uniforms in the package, Potion-track yellow, skirt and all. Eda <em> may </em>have been wearing it in her own room on occasion. Just when nobody was around. </p>
<p>That summer had been tumultuous and uncertain. Eda’s life was changing every day, and it was more than a bit terrifying. It was also the happiest Eda had ever been. The timeless days spent practicing magic with Lilith, the nights in her sister’s room, warm breeze filtering in through open windows as the moonlight slowly crept across the floor. The feeling of Lilith’s cool fingers holding Eda’s hand steadily in place as her sister painted her claws for her with intense precision, and Eda nearly messing the whole job up by making fun of the way Lilith’s tongue poked out of the corner of her mouth while she concentrated. </p>
<p>And then, somehow, summer was over. No more days spent practicing spells, or learning makeup, or making terrible experimental lunch dishes with Lilith. Eda couldn’t spend all her time with the one person who finally, <em> finally </em>got her in a way no one else ever had before. She had to go back to the real world.</p>
<p>“I’m not fidgeting,” Eda said with a frown as she continued to play with the hem of her skirt. She refused to look over at Lilith, not wanting her sister to read the worry on her face. Eda had never been the best at concealing how she felt—never seen the point to it. Now, for once, Eda slightly resented the fact that her sister could read her like an open book. </p>
<p>Eda and Lilith had been waiting at the bus stop for about ten minutes, now. Their father had dropped them off, wished them luck, and sped off to whatever Coven business he had to attend to today, all in the span of a few minutes. It was a beautiful autumn morning, the sweltering heat of the summer sun having faded to a more comfortable warmth, with a light breeze </p>
<p>Eda was <em> not </em>nervous. She had never been a coward, and she wasn’t going to let something like “announcing to the whole world that she’s a girl now” change that. Her family weren’t the only ones who knew, of course. The teachers at Hexside had all been informed, her documentation in the filing demon carefully fished out and rewritten, and even a few of Eda’s friends, the ones she cared about enough to actually wanna see over the summer, were in the know. </p>
<p>They’d all been cool about it, of course—as if Eda would hang out with anyone lame enough to not accept her for who she was. She hadn’t even worried about it for a bit, and she <em> definitely </em>hadn’t needed Lilith to bring her down from a near-freakout twenty minutes before they’d been set to arrive on the day Eda had decided to tell them. </p>
<p>“Edalyn.” Slender fingers wrapped around Eda’s hand, pulling it up from her nervous fretting. Lilith had closed the few feet that stood between them while Eda had been staring at the ground, and now clasped Eda’s hand between her own. “It’s okay to be nervous, but you’re going to be fine.” Lilith spoke with a quiet emphasis that Eda had always admired about her, a grounded confidence that had never been on display as much as it had that summer. Eda was caught between gratitude and indignation, and made a split-second judgement. </p>
<p>“I’m not nervous!” she insisted, meeting Lilith’s kind smile with a glare. “I’m just—it’s just-” Lilith gave Eda’s hand, still enclosed in her own, a gentle squeeze, and Eda’s resolve crumpled. </p>
<p>“Okay, yeah, maybe I’m a little scared…” As soon as the words had left her mouth, Eda hated herself for saying it, but Lilith gave her no chance to wallow in regret. </p>
<p>“That’s perfectly natural, it’s a big day,” Lilith said gently, giving Eda’s hand another squeeze. “But I promise you, no one’s going to be weird about it.” </p>
<p>“But what if they are?” Eda found herself staring down once more, her view of the ground obscured by Lilith’s hands covering her own. She studied the flecks in her sister’s nail polish, instead. Eda’s face burned; she had <em> told </em>herself she wasn’t going to do this. She wasn’t scared of anything, certainly not her classmates she’d known for years. </p>
<p>“If anyone says anything, I’ll… feed them a potion that’ll make everything they eat taste like grubloaf for a <em> month,” </em>Lilith said fiercely. Eda’s head shot up, her scowl replaced by a look of surprised glee. </p>
<p>“Aw, sis… I love it when you get all threaten-y for me,” Eda said, grinning at her sister. Lilith rolled her eyes, a faint blush dusting her cheeks—she was always embarrassed to be caught acting “improperly,” even if she was almost as good at pranking as Eda was. Still, to Eda’s surprise, her sister refused to back down. </p>
<p>“I mean it,” Lilith said firmly. “Anyone that messes with you will suffer the consequences.” Eda pushed her off with a wry grin, but inwardly, she was glowing with warmth. </p>
<p>Lilith really was the best big sister a girl could ask for. </p>
<p>“Oh, Edalyn! I think I see the bus coming up the hill.” </p>
<p>The declaration sent a shot of panic through Eda’s veins, but after a moment, she forced herself to calm, taking a deep breath before exhaling, just like Lilith would. </p>
<p>Today would go <em> fine. </em> She was Edalyn Clawthorne, and she was damn proud of that. She was a pranking master, a more talented spellcaster at 12 than half the seniors in Hexside, and she would be a shoe-in for the Grudgby team when she tried out this year. </p>
<p>More important than any of that, though… She was Lilith’s sister. </p>
<p>The bus crawled to a halt in front of their stop, its spindly legs falling still. The hatch in the side stretched open, the bus’s tongue unfurling to allow their entry. Through the opaque windows in the creature’s sides, Eda could already make out a couple familiar faces. She looked away, scuffing at the ground with her flats, and allowed herself one final moment of hesitation. Maybe she’d hang back a moment, let Lilith get on the bus first. Yeah, that seemed safer. </p>
<p>Yet, after a few seconds of gathering her courage, Eda looked up to find that Lilith hadn’t moved to board the bus. The opposite, in fact—she had her back to the creature, one hand outstretched towards Eda and a patient smile on her face.</p>
<p>“I’m right here, Edalyn,” Lilith said gently. “I’m not going anywhere without you.” </p>
<p>With excitement buzzing in her veins, a glow of appreciation warming her chest, and Lilith’s hand in her own, Eda strode confidently towards the waiting bus. </p>
<p>It was time she showed the world who she really was.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading! kudos/comments are always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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